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The purpose of this discussion board is to allow people to express their feelings and find peer support. There is no professional intervention, and it is not intended to be psychological treatment or education. For HotLine help, especially for suicidal feelings, try 1.800.SUICIDE (784.2433). Also dialing 211 can refer you to help in many areas of the US. HotLine for Eating Disorders is 1.800.931.2237

Eating Disorders

i need help

Posted By: lauren
Date: Monday, 19 June 2006, at 5:47 a.m.

ever since i was little i have alwayz been the ugly duckling in my family. my cousin and my sister who are older then me have beautiful bodies and they are pretty and me on the other hand is average and an average face but i've never had a long relationship with a guy. My family used to call me chubby in spanish and after awhile i started to see wat i can do about it. when i was 13, march 2005, i did a terrible thing that started nothing but more drama. i started to starve my self and after may i started to have a problem with belimia. I had never felt worse in my life. at this time i was in the eighth grade and i had an awesome boyfriend we had been together since december but we had broken up about three times but got back together. he told me i was beautiful and everything but that didnt make me feel any better. Me adn my boyfriend saw each other every day account we went to the same catholic school adn there were only about 23 kids in our eighth grade class. I told him wat i had been doing in may. in freaked out and asked me why and that's when it hit me.... he never wanted to be with me. when we first got together he would alwayz tell me wat a nice ass i had proving the point of the only reason to be with me. he told me himself when we broke up a week before graduation after our disneyland trip. that made thingz worse, then my grandfather had a heartattack and that made thingz eeven worse and then i got valedictorian in my class that made thingz the worst. when my best friend for nine years found out i got it she stopped being my friend on graduation night over who got a higher gpa i was so hurt. on graduation night i had weighed 105lbs the month before i wighed 125lbs i had lost 20lbs over a period of about six weeks. i was scared and so was my family. then after graduation i went to a class/rehab and went every other day for about a month and a half. then on july 9 my whole world came crashin down for the worst. i got a call at my cousin's house sayin my grandfather had a heartattack and he was in the hospital. that was at 9:00am at 9:10 am my dad called again....MY GRANDPA DIN'T MAKE IT!!!!! my heart broke in half. the person who picked me up from school the man who was like my second father... my best friend was now gone. i started to eat a lot now. i felt that food was my only friend in july i gained 10 lbs. now i weighed 115lbs i wasn't very happy with myself but then when high school began in september i was relieved. it was truly like rehab for me. i met all these new people because i went to a school that i only knew two people. my new friends truly helped me. and now i wigh 120 and im very happy i have a guy m dating and im planning my quincenera im so excited and now i think im having the problem again though. i went to the hospital on may22 and eversince then i have been throwin up so much sometimes its just a stomach ache but sometimes i see myself stikcin my finger down there im scared..PLEASE HELP ME!!!!thanks for listening