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The purpose of this discussion board is to allow people to express their feelings and find peer support. There is no professional intervention, and it is not intended to be psychological treatment or education. For HotLine help, especially for suicidal feelings, try 1.800.SUICIDE (784.2433). Also dialing 211 can refer you to help in many areas of the US. HotLine for Eating Disorders is 1.800.931.2237

Eating Disorders

Help

Posted By: clarity
Date: Tuesday, 6 July 2010, at 6:44 a.m.

I know what you are going through, I've been battling bulimia and being a guy no-one believes me or understands what the hell I'm going through. I have had this illness since 5years of age where i would be embarrassed to eat in front of anyone, I have always skipped meals, no breakfast, lunch, and over indulge at dinner and as I got older I started with the laxatives it started with ten at night and has escalated to 35 at night almost every night, it's only when i go on a fluid only diet that i get a break from the laxatives, it has got to the stage that if someone makes a passing comment on how fat or skinny i am i get severely depressed and start on the laxative regime again until i get so depressed that attempting suicide is the only way out, and believe me this illness is unimaginable, that i have overdosed on antidepressants about 15 times over the years, I have no escape, I can't get rid of this illness and I can't die, I am too scared to jump off a bridge because knowing my luck, I will probably survive but be a crippled for the rest of my life, I am truly suffering I have no hope and to make it worse for the past two weeks I finally thought that i was cured from this bulimia, after my recent overdose, i nearly died, but once again I survived and released that I had lost the need to take laxatives as my weight dropped, and after doing well for two weeks and eating three meals a day and going to the bathroom normally I was feeling over the moon, until mum passes a comment the other night, oh don't eat too much you have put on a little weight, well once again the bulimia is back this time it's 40 laxatives and i am back on the liquid only diet indefinitely, with no escape and the depression is back with a vengeance and I'm getting suicidal again, the only issue is this time, I will go all the way because I have begged for Gods helped and like always I hear nothing nor see any miracles, and whilst I was unconscious during my last overdose episode I can not remember a thing nor did I see anything which could mean that Life after death is not existent.
So if I don't get some serious help this time, then I will go all the way, because if one can not live with one illness image having three, eg Bulimia, depression and Crohn's disease. It is too unbearable and I would never wish this upon anyone. If anyone has anything similar please help I'm desperate!!!!!!