Teen OCD

Parents

Posted By: Seventeen
Date: Wednesday, 28 March 2007, at 12:50 p.m.

I am 17 years old.

I went to a psychiatrist a few months ago and was in therapy and taking medication for anxiety and compulsions. After about two months my mom told my therapist, someone she herself saw for years for various things, that she thinks I make it up so I "won't have to deal with life." And then she never took me back. So when my prescriptions ran out, I had to stop all treatment. My anxiety, while uncomfortable, is relatively manageable most of the time. As long as there isn't any sort of special occasion going on (which case I am on the floor too nauseous to move), I'm relatively normal. But the compulsions have gotten so insanely worse that I am no longer functional. I go to bed hours later than I try to, because I keep having to check to make sure the door is shut... even though it being left open is at no consequence, and I can see it and see that I have indeed closed it. Same thing when I leave in the morning, and it's really making me late for school. I have an endless list of compulsions and intruding images and all sorts of garbage. I've told my mom about it. We read a book, The Boy Who Couldn't Stop Washing, in my AP psychology class. I photocopied the intro and showed it to my mom, and she compared it to her having to check the front door an extra time when my dad is out of town. And any time I brought it up after that, she told me to "get a grip." I was having issues with the girl that drove me home from school.. she has very poor hygiene and it's something that even non-oc's are bothered by, but it was getting to the point where I would come home wanting to burn my clothes, immediately have to shower, and then lock myself in my room to keep myself from bleaching my skin. Even after bathing I could still smell her and was convinced I smelled like her and my flesh was going to rot off. My mom would watch me come home from school crying, puking, and scrubbing myself and only when I told her that I wanted to hurt myself did she agree to start driving me. And every morning on the way to school she makes it a point to tell me what an inconvenience I am and how I am taking advantage of her.

I'm at the end of my rope here. It's to the point where I can't do anything without some sort of compulsion or intrusive thought getting in my way, and it's been going in a downward spiral for several weeks now. I don't know what to do. If I continued to threaten to harm myself, even though now that I am out of the situation with the girl I no longer feel that urge anymore, the best I could manage was seeing my old therapist. And I had very specific things I asked to see her for to begin with--I had been in an emotionally abusive situation with a boyfriend and that was when my anxiety first started (the compulsions were several years old by that point, however)-- and since she saw my mom for years, she had all sorts of preconcieved notions, and any time I tried to bring up the guy she would change the subject back to my dad's alcoholism. I would like to start new with a new therapist, but my mom's argument is always "pauline already knows our family history, it's so much easier" and also our insurance covers very little psychiatric stuff.

So, besides getting all that off my chest to people who actually might understand, I was wondering if anyone had ANY ideas of something I could do to help myself. Even like, book recommendations for my mom or something. I need to get through to her that this is not something I can control, and she just wont hear it. I don't even have anyone to talk to about this. My friends are freaked out about it and don't want to hear about it, and I don't have anyone else. And I feel so completely alone. I know there are other people out there with the same problems and people who can help me, but they feel completely unreachable. I just don't know what to do anymore.

Thanks for reading.

-Jill.