I won't pretend to understand about losing a parent or even having an alcoholic one since I dealt with neither. I do understand about depression in the teen years. I vividly remember calling like 10 numbers from the phone book looking for someone to help me not commit suicide. Back then, there weren't any hotlines much less websites. Basically, I got through it myself because there wasn't anyone else to help. These days there is a lot of help available. I recommend you look for a teen grief support group, al-anon group for children of alcoholics, and if you can't find those, talk to your school counselor or a minister/rabbi/spiritual leader for help. Pushing people away is a common result of depression. You feel that no one could possibly understand how you feel or what you have been through. And you are right; no one can understand your exact situation. Sometimes you need to educate them a little so they can better understand how you feel. I am serious about seeking help; do it. Dying is not the answer, no matter how good it may sound. Someone will miss you.