I sometimes feel the same as you do. I long to be close to someone. To love and be loved. To have someone who will accept me as I am and love me for who I am. I've prayed for it. I want it so badly, but its also the thing I fear the most.

I've been alone so long I've almost forgotten all the things I wanted to feel. That special, warm feeling. The feeling of knowing everything will be alright at the end of the day because I have that special someone beside me. That feeling of being able to tell my innermost thoughts and feeling, hopes and fears to that person and know I don't have to be afraid. That feeling of not being afraid to be myself. I've never been in love. I can only imagine what it feels like. But I've felt it in my dreams. Always hoping that someday that special person would come along and everything would magically be alright....but life is not a fairytale.

When I lie in bed at night I have to have the TV on because I can no longer be alone with my thoughts. That's when the real me appears. The me who is alone and afraid. The me who who doesn't want to listen to what my own mind is sceaming to tell me. I've spent so long building this wall around me and now its suffocating me.