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Distraught

Posted By: Anonymous lady
Date: 6 February 2010, at 4:24 p.m.

I am not sure where to begin. I guess my biggest issue is with being alone and even when I talk to people I don't feel okay. I have social anxiety and it's like talking to someone is like having a gun to my face. I want so bad to connect with just one person- at this point I don't care if it's a guy or a girl. Just like K posted, I just want someone to love me for who I am inside, not my money, sex, looks. I am not looking for any of those shallow things just someone who will be there when I am down and make everything seem okay even when the whole world seems to be filled of assholes. I feel more lonely lately because there is a male in my life messing with my heart. He says he loves me, but he isn't there for me, he can't even make eye contact. He's just a boy looking for sex and someone to mooch off. The idea of what he can bring -the idea of love is what I long for and I do love him more than anything. As they say though, it's never the same if they don't feel it too. He left me for 2 years and is now trying to return because he couldn't find anyone else not cause he loves me cause he's alone. He doesn't love me but keeps pretending. I want love, but he doesn't treat me right. It's so hard to shut the door on it cause I don't know if I can find anyone else cause of my social anxiety. I am a great caring person (not even that ugly) and I am a nurse for pete's sake. After reading Dr. Phil's book "Love Smart," I felt like oh my gosh guys really think this way and it made me just want to give up. I can't even connect with other girls how will I ever get a guy. LOL Cause of this guy I lost one friend and now because of losing her, I feel like I lost another friend. So I lost 3 people, him and 2 other friends. So many people have asked to do stuff but I have social anxiety and freak out. I've basically given up on humans. I think the reason I was so comfortable with this guy was because he has nothing, so I felt like he needed me or something twisted. Talking to people is so hard for me, I mean at work I am okay cause there is typically a set of words to say but to hang out socially I freeze. I may be at the end of my rope and need to try medicine or who knows where else I'll end up. It's so hard cause people are just so mean!!!!! If people were born with different brains and ways of thinking I'd be happier. Why!! Why do they hurt our feelings and only care about themselves. God bless anyone having a similiar rough time. I guess I just needed to vent.

Messages in This Thread

• Distraught (views: 54)
  Anonymous lady -- 6 February 2010, at 4:24 p.m.

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