Support Groups for Anxiety Disorders
Posted By: blue
Date: Saturday, 7 March 2009, at 5:01 p.m.
I fell for one of those on-line, smooth-talking, promise-making, out of town "prince charmings" who asked me to give up everything (not that I had that much to give up) for him. As it turns out, after 2 on and off weeks, he decided he was tired of me and wanted an annulment.
I gave up a job I loved and my home for him. Luckily I was able to move 1/2 way across the country back to my home and town, but I have been unable to get another full-time job with benefits. I've had to take out loans and credit cards to get by. I paid for the attorney, the annulment, and to start my life again in my home town. He lost nothing that I can see, and got the stuff I left behind.
I spoke to my former supervisor, and she said it is unlikely that I will be able to get another job in my field because although I am caring I am not competent. What am I supposed to do now?
I feel like my life has no meaning. I feel like things will never be ok again. And it's not just becuase of "the guy." It's like falling for him was the thing that broke whatever lucky charm was allowing me to get by before. I can't seem to get things going again. I can't seem to get my life back together. I feel like I'm worth more dead than alive. I am not making enough to cover my basic bills. Nothing is fun or worth it anymore, except for my passion for my job which I am doing part-time but am unlikely to be able to get another full-time job doing. Even that is not 100% fulfilling or rewarding because I am painfully aware that I am not good at it however much I may love parts of it. It doesn't take long before my co-workers seem like I'm a pain to have around.
What am I supposed to do? I keep praying that something will blot out this painful existance, but so far it hasn't. The worst part is, a part of me knows how lucky I am, but the rest of me can't soak that in. I don't know how to make that knowledge sustain me, feed me, get me through a lifetime of pain.
I really wish I could get out, but I haven't found a way.
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