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Discussion of Alcoholism
Re: Alcohol-induced temporary schizophrenia?
Posted By: Enigma In Response To: Re: Alcohol-induced temporary schizophrenia? (Matthew Bernardo)
Date: Saturday, 3 September 2005, at 3:01 p.m.
In the past two years i have had situations occur whereby i suffer from complete memory loss (or lack of formation of memories) for periods of 4-5 hours at which time i have been observed to become a completely different person.
I can become very aggresive, abusive, basically VERY anti-social. People with whom i socialise with tell me that i am 'another person', unrecognisable. I say and do things that are totally 'out of character'. I can go up to a complete stranger and make the most disgusting and foul comments for no reason at all.
The amount of alcohol is a factor. State of mind seems to be a factor.
[My Background]
Drinking alcohol since 16 years old (now 33). Became a regular social drinker at 19 years old.Today I would consider myself under 'normal' circumstances a social drinker. Currently i have 1-2 drinks perhaps twice a week. 4-5 drinks every two weeks. Under these circumstances my behavior is 'normal'.
[Heavy Drinking]
Heavy drinking for me would be more than 1 bottle of red wine, 1/2 bottle of spirits (say 350 ml) and or beer (mixed) approx more than 7 drinks triggers this 'change of personality'. One minute i'm me, then over a period of maybe 30 minutes in transfor into this'other' person (no longer conscious of whom i really am) and i stay this way for 3-4 hours depending on the amount of alcohol consumed. After this 'transformation' i have extremely limited recall on what i have done. There are patches of 1-2 minutes here/there where i can recall what is happening. This kind of transition from sane to insane is very subtle and i don't even know it is happening and cannot control or stop it.An example of what can happen (for which i cannot remember virtually anything). I verbally abuse a friend, and or 1-2 strangers, virtually get into a fist-fight, storm off, get in my car and drive myself home. On the way home smash into something and not recall anything at all, including the fact that i managed to hit 'something'.
THIS BEHAVIOR IS NOT CONSISTENT.If i am in a very 'happy state of mind' with no nagging problems with work or family etc and i am in good company i can drink a lot and be just fine. However the 'other person' can be manifest by someone saying or doing something that really upsets me. I can just SNAP and change into the 'other one'. But this time i have more recall. When this occurs, i can burst into a bout of total unchecked rage. Abusive, destructive (self and other). Perhaps this behavior is something else... i dont know.
I recently "scared the hell" out of myself. Looking back at one of these episodes, since i couldn't remember virtually anything, all i could go off is the evidence of what had happened (which i will not describe here). But basically i started thinking more deeply about what is going on and for HOW LONG has this been happening. One thing is for sure, if i keep going this way i am either going to kill someone or get myself killed, its that simple.
I thought i may be an alcoholic. But my drinking patterns and needs for alcohol ( i dont crave alcohol) do not seem to indicate this. If at all i would be classed as a binge drinker, whereby i may be drinking lighly (2-3 times a week 1/2 drinks) for months then suddenly (to release pressure)i would go out on a 'bender' and consume 10 or more drinks over 3 hours. The results as abov, not nice. This is consistent and somewhat reproducable.
Then i looked back, perhaps 10 years and acknowledged that this behavior has been happening to a 'lesser degree' for a long time. In actual fact i think i have had this problem for many years, however it manifested less often and with less intensity. Regardless i would never acknowledge that the problem was mine (Denial).
Right now its happenening 3-4 times a year (depending on when i go drinking) and seems to be getting worse (increased frequency).
I do enjoy a drink. But i tend to get carried away. So i think i have only two options
1. Stop drinking.
2. Drink socially with people you trust who know your problem and can help u manage it (they wont let you drink too much). Limit to 4 drinks. Risky.I will try option 2, but failing this i believe i have no choice. Option 1.
Some might say, it just about managing your behavior and control, but unfortunately you seem to have no control when this starts happening.
p.s. my brother has been diagnosed with schizophrenia.
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